Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Merry Christmas

I made this hat for a friend of mine who is due any day!
For a quick pattern, make your favorite basic earflap hat.
For the antlers: Magic Circle, 5 sc in circle, Rd 2, 2 sc in each stitch, rows 3-however long you want your antlers, 1 sc in each
Make another one except shorter and attach to side.
For the ears: Magic Circle, 8 sc in the circle, Rd 2, 2 sc in each sc, Rd 3, 1 sc then 2 sc in next. Fold in half and stitch next to antlers
For eyes: Magic Circle, 4sc in circle, Rd 2, 2 sc in each. Make two and attach

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

stress...it's an understatement!

Stressed...that's all I can say! I feel like I'm being pulled in a 100 different directions right now. My husband's job is still requiring a boat-load of extra hours and now, so is mine.

I've told my supervisor that I'm at my limit and she tells me that everyone's "busy-ness" is their own perspective and she is expecting me to pick up where I can. Yes, because I'm not able to handle anything and when you look at what I actually do in a day, I'm just twiddling my thumbs. (insert a LOT of sarcasm) I am a nurse in a clinic. I work with a doctor who is the only person in his practice, which means I'm the only nurse in my specialty. Every other nurse in the clinic has another nurse in their specialty to help them...except me. Yet I'm told that I need to stretch a little farther and help out. So let's load my plate even more because I can actually manage my time effectively. I feel like I could pull my hair out and scream at the world right now!

And on the flip side, I'm told to take this as a compliment. She feels that she can push me more because I can manage a lot of different responsibilities. So at what point is it too much? At what point is it too much for me to handle my own specialty, help out another one consistently, help with the IT aspect of our clinic, plus handle my home life, with my husband working 60+ hours per week? At what point will it stop?

I know there aren't answers for this, but I sure wish there were. I've prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I've maintained the faith that God never gives you more than you can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much. He has put me through much more but never all at once. If my home life was stressful, work was not. If work was stressful, home was not. So why both? I've lost my appetite and can't eat anything right now. I've lost almost 10 lbs in 2 weeks simply due to stress. So what do you do about it? All I can't do right now is just keep reminding myself...God never gives me more than I can handle...EVER.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Multicolored Striped Hat

Ok, so here's the pattern! You can make it any size by doing more 'increase' rows. It works the best with 6 colors. For this hat to look right from the outside, you have to fasten and weave off each row, except for rows 7 & 8, which use the same color.
Worsted Weight Yarn (I use I Love Cotton yarn from Hobby Lobby)
Size J/10 Hook (6.00mm)

Ch - chain
Sl st- slip stitch
Sc- single crochet
Hdc- half double crochet
Dc - double crochet

Dec- yarn over the hook, insert your hook in the next stitch, yarn over, draw the yarn through the stitch, yarn over,  
Fpdc- front post double stitch

Round 1: color 1, Magic Circle, ch 2, 10 Dc in magic circle, pull tight, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 2: color 1, ch 2, 1 Dc in same stitch, 2 Dc in each stitch around, join with sl st to top of ch of ch 2.
Round 3: color 2, ch 1, 1 sc in same stitch, *1 sc in next dc, 2 sc in next dc*, repeat from * around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 4: color 3, ch 2, 1 DC in same stitch, 1 DC in each stitch around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2. (this is where you would continue to do 'increase' rows until you have the right size)
Round 5: color 4, ch 2, 1 Hdc in same stitch, 1 hdc in each stitch around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 6: color 5, ch 1, 1 sc in same stitch, 1 sc in each stitch around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 7: color 6, ch 2, 1 Dc in same stitch, 1 Dc in each stitch around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 8: color 6, ch 2, 1 Dc in same stitch, 1 Dc in each stitch around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 9: color 1, ch , 1 sc in same stitch, 1 sc in each stitch around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 10: color 2, ch 2, 1 Dc in same stitch, 1 Dc in each stitch around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 11: (this is a decrease row, doesn't matter how many between, just do 4 decrease stitches. i usually do a decrease at each "1/4th") color 3, ch 2, decrease Hdc over next two stitches, 1 hdc in each around with 3 more decrease stitches about 1/4th the way around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 12: (another 4 decrease stitches) color 4, ch 2, decrease Hdc over next 2 stitches, 1 hdc in each around with 3 more decrease stitches about 1/4th the way around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 13: color 5, ch 1, 1 sc in each stitch around, Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 14: color 6, ch 2, .* Fpdc in first dc. Dc in next dc.* Repeat from * around. Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Round 15: color 1, ch 2, * Fpdc in first dc. Dc in next dc.* Repeat from * around. Join with sl st to top ch of ch 2.
Fasten off and weave in all of the ends.
Add a cute button or flower for decoration!
Now let me tell ya, weaving in the ends is painfully redundant and tedious! If anyone knows of a wonderful way to make this go away, let me know...I'd take any suggestions!

If you need help determining the increase and hat sizes, here is a great website that I use almost everytime I make a hat!
Here's a quicker reference if you're an advanced crocheter who understands how to increase rows to the right size and just want to know which stitch to put in which row:
Rd 1: color 1, 10 DC in magic circle
Rd 2: color 1, DC
Rd 3: color 2, SC
Rd 4: color 3, DC
Rd 5: color 4, HDC
Rd 6: color 5, SC
Rd 7: color 6, DC
Rd 8: color 6, DC
Rd 9: color 1, sc
Rd 10: color 2, DC
Rd 11: color 3, Dec HDC
Rd 12: color 4, Dec HDC
Rd 13: color 5, SC
Rd 14: color 6, FPDC, DC
Rd 15: color 1, FPDC, DC
Can't wait to see what you come up with!

Please let me know if you have any troubles with this pattern!

Happy Hooking!
© 2012 Libby Burns, all rights reserved. You may sell items made with this pattern, but if you sell them online, you must link to this pattern. You may not sell this pattern or claim it as your own. You may publish or post a link to this pattern, but you may not publish or post this pattern in whole or in part.

Monday, October 15, 2012

October 15th

Two and a half years ago, to the date exactly, we found out that we had lost our baby. It was my second pregnancy and we were thrilled when we found out. Our son was 2 1/2 years old and anxious for a sibling. I had planned an entire life for this small being inside of me. And then, on April 15th, we found out that life was gone. I had started spotting...something I hadn't done in my first pregnancy. My regular doctor wasn't in clinic that day so I saw a different doctor, who had to give us the news that I had miscarried this baby. I knew it by the look on the sonographer's face, by the way she measured everything else, rather than looking for a heart beat. I just knew...and my heart was broken. I didn't want to have a D&C. It felt inhumane to me. It felt like an abortion to me, even though the baby was no longer alive. So I decided to wait. I decided to just let nature take it's course instead...until the bleeding didn't stop. And I ended up in the ER, dizzy from losing so much blood, pale and scared. I'll never forget being wheeled back to the OR. My husband holding my hand as long as he possibly could...the tears rolling down my face as the anesthesiologist put the mask over my face...and the wonderful person who wiped those tears away. Those are things that I will never forget. My husband and I decided that even though we didn't know if this baby was a boy or a girl, but we knew that this baby needed a name. Mac Riley
Fast forward a few more months and I was pregnant again. They measured HCG levels, they checked progesterone levels, both of which were low. It was almost inevitable, but we were hopeful. Would we get to keep this baby? Would this baby join our family? Or would we have another heart break again. August 18th...we had an early ultrasound scheduled due to my last miscarriage. I laid down and the scan started...and ended with "I'm sorry. I'm just not seeing what we're looking for." At least this time, the sonographer had enough strength to tell us rather than tell us to wait for the doctor. So we went downstairs to meet my new OB. (I had previously seen family practice and because of the first miscarriage, my doctor wanted to refer me onto a specialist). What a way to meet someone new...going over options. Except this time, I didn't really have time to let nature take it's course. Our son's third birthday was on Saturday and we had family coming to town. So instead, I opted for the D&C this time. Same story...different day. The anesthesiologist said that he could see by the look on my face that I wasn't coming for an elective procedure. Nope, not really. And the same thing...exactly 4 months later, going under anesthesia, tears rolling down my face, losing another baby...losing another life. Mady Lou
For a long time, we didn't tell anyone. There were only a few people who knew that I had miscarried. Not even our parents knew. I didn't want to broadcast it to the world. I didn't want the whole world to know that we were trying to have another baby. I didn't want everyone to ask questions non-stop or assume things if I didn't have a glass of wine that day, I was pregnant. I didn't want any of it. I just wanted my husband. We leaned on each other, rather than having our parent swoop in to take care of us. And that was exactly what I needed. It took me a while to figure out why I didn't want anyone to know, why I didn't want our parents to know. And then I realized it was because I wanted my husband...and I didn't want to hurt their feelings by pushing them away and telling them that we didn't need them. I knew that it would be hurtful...I mean, I'd be hurt if my daughter told me she just wanted her husband and not her mom. It would be hard. But it brought us back to a place that we hadn't been to in a long time. And then in November, when we hadn't been tracking cycles or actually "trying" I got pregnant with our daughter. And the last six months were a new part of our past.  
As time went on, I realized that it didn't need to be a secret. I didn't need to not talk about it. And the more people I shared it with, the more people came out with their own stories. And that's what October 15th is all about. I am a mother of two precious angels. I can't wait for the day to know if they were boys or girls. And someday I will. It's hard not knowing right now. But God has plans for everything and he had a reason for this. He always does.
So today, I'm choosing to remember Mac and Mady and what they gave us in their short time with our family.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Pattern...coming soon!

I'm going to give you a sneak preview of my new favorite hats to make!
 The pattern is fairly simple, but I still need to write it up!

I promise to get it up by the end of next week, so come back soon and check in!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Come...stay a while!

Ok, so I decided to turn this into a crochet/all over the place/recipe posting/bounce ideas off of people kinda blog. I've wanted to do it for a long time and now is the time! I hope you follow along, find some great ideas and follow along with life! And with that...I'd like to introduce you to my facebook shop!


Pop over, take a look, stay a while!

Most of the hats that I have on there are my own patterns, so if you'd like to see a pattern for something, please let me know and I'll write it up! A couple of them are purchased and I can't share those, for obvious copyright reasons.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Really, I mean...REALLY?!?

So our daycare is closed due to sick kids. Not a big deal...we split the day. I took the morning, my husband took the afternoon. After a crazy afternoon at the clinic (I'm a nurse, BTW), I head home. Walk in the door to find my little man laying on the couch with a small gash on his forehead.
So the convo went something like this:
Me: "What happened? How big is the cut? I need to look at it (it was covered with a bandaid). Do we need to take him in? When did this happen? Why didn't you call?"
Husband: "He ran into a car mirror when he was trying to scoot me in the parking lot. No big deal, it's not that big."
So I finally get the bandaid off my son's forehead and it's no small cut. Enough that I know it needs either glue or stitches. And because I told him that, he's annoyed with me. Really, I mean, REALLY?!?! I'm a peds nurse for pete's sake! I've seen my fair share of head lacerations and this one probably isn't going to heal up nicely on it's own without having a huge scar. It needed some glue.
So I take him to Acute Care after supper, only to get the cold shoulder and attitude from my husband. I wasn't mad that it happened while he was watching the kids, because it could have happened to either of us. I'm not mad that he didn't call and let me know (ok, so maybe just a tad upset...but not mad!). But a simple phone call and picture would have helped me to figure out what to do and where to go, rather than get home, be surprised by this and head into Acute Care. So who knows why he's actually pissy about the whole thing, but he is. 
(BTW, anytime I watch Dancing with the Stars,which I'm doing right now...I really wish I could have had the opportunity to pursue the dancing I wanted to...except my parents didn't want to drive 15 miles, so I didn't get to...that's a whole story in itself!)
So now i have a 5 year old with a glued forehead, a husband who is pissed that I undermined him and a load of laundry to fold...oh, and a daycare that is going to be closed AGAIN tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day, right?!?! 

Saturday, October 6, 2012

A new appreciation

So I have a wonderful husband who is truly amazing. He is an awesome father and helps out more than the average guy! He's on the floor playing with kids. He's making supper and helping with dishes. I am so lucky to have someone like him. And right now...I miss him and everything he does!

Right now, his job is requiring a lot of hours, above and beyond the 40 hours required. For the past three or four weeks, he's put in about 60+ hours per week...which leaves me with the kids a lot. I love my children deeply and I certainly can handle a night by myself...it's just so much easier with my husband here. Someone around to help keep the kids occupied while I make supper, someone to help reinforce to our son the need to eat more quickly or use your utensils at meals, someone to back me up, someone to help get supper going, someone to help with the dishes and the laundry and cleaning. It's just nice. And I miss that.

And it makes me appreciate him even more. He's stressed out at work right now, so I'm trying my very best to help him relax when he gets home. The last thing that he needs is a cranky wife who bitches that he doesn't help out enough. He's leaving before the kids are up and getting home right in time to help with bedtime. He misses the kids. The kids miss him. I miss him.

These past few weeks have been challenging for me, but thankfully, that's not my life. I'm thankful that I'm not a single mom all of the time. And I'm amazed with how they do it. I'm sure if I was in that situation, I'd handle it fine, as the last few weeks have shown me that it's possible, but it makes me appreciate my husband even more...and the fact that I don't have to do this alone. Eventually, he won't have to work this much, but for right now, it's helping to advance his career and that's important.

So for right now, my house isn't clean, I have dishes piled high by the sink, I have at least 5 loads of laundry to do, but my kids are napping right now, so that means I'm going to take advantage of my 'me' time and just sit. I'm going to give myself a break from dishes, a break from folding laundry and just sit. The dishes will eventually get done...the laundry will eventually get put away...as long as my kids feel loved and get the attention they need, I'm okay with my house not looking perfect.

And to my husband, thank you for going above and beyond what most guys do. Thank you for not leaving me to do this alone all of the time. I love you and can't wait for things to slow down!

Sunday, September 30, 2012

I need a place...

I need a place.

A place in this world to express myself.

My happiness. My sadness. My frustrations. My triumphs. My questions. My answers.

A place of my very own.

So welcome to my place.